Life is never in my favor, is it?
Is there some rule, some unwritten law
That prevents life to throw me a fuckin
Line once in a while?
My God, I finally get the person I have
Dreamt of since I was twelve years old
And I thought he was being an ass
To put me through this mess.
First he wants me, then he says
He has to deicide who he wants me
Or his ex, then I hear nothing and I
Am left to assume he has decided to
Be with her. I curse his name out loud
And break down on the inside. I try,
I try so hard to hate him. But instead
I keep running to the door at every
Knock thinking it’s him, I rush to my
Computer to see if he messaged me,
I pray silently that he will come back
To me, that he will see how much I
Care and come to me. Every where
I go I image him being there. And now
When I can’t get him out of my head
Enough, I find out his ex, the other
Girl in his life, is having his child.
Life blows right now. What is this?
Why can’t life be easy? Why couldn’t
It just stick to the fairly tales from my
Childhood stories? Girl meets Guy,
Fire works, love, hearts explode
With passion and desire for the other.
And the only problem is usually an evil
Step mother. Which I have but she won’t
Care about this. Why does life and love
Have to so hard? Why does falling
Hurt soo much. And why can’t I get him
Out of my head. I close me eyes to
Sleep and he is there. He is everywhere
Especially since I can see “there” house
From my front porch. I have to plan
Trips outside, like reading in the yard
Or going to the store around whether
He is at work yet or not, because I’m
Afraid to see him. I want to so badly,
But I’m afraid it will hurt. I’m afraid
That pain will be too much and I
Would breakdown right there in
Front of him. And I don’t do that.
I can’t. Everyone believes I’m strong
Everyone believes I’m cold and
Stone. They don’t know about the
Child yet I image. But they think
Of him as an ass and say things
Like, “He doesn’t know what he
Is missing” but now, now I question
Myself AGAIN, and I hate that.
Now I wonder if he truly wants
To be with her or if he is just
Being responsible. If so, I respect
That. I understand stepping up
And taking care of what you’ve
Created. But Damn it. Do I
Wish it wasn’t happening.
I wish things weren’t like this
I wish I could change how I felt.
I wish I could hate him. Be as
Angry with him as I say I am.
I wish I could sleep without
Dreaming of him. I wish I wasn’t
Always thinking about him.
I wish I didn’t believe he was
My soul mate found at the age
Of twelve. I hate this. Life and
Love both suck majorlly. And
Will both have to work extremely
Hard to make up for this.
They will have to prove to me
That love, true love. Pure, honest
Love is still alive and that life,
Life is beautiful. Because right now
LIFE BLOWS.
